A Blur
NO! It can’t be possible! My baby girl was just born! Excuse me while I go have a cry! They were so tiny! What happened?? Gosh, I wish I could go back there. Parts of it I remember like yesterday, but most of it is a complete blur. I was in survival mode. My life changed so drastically in such a short time. I’d love to tell my former self to sow down, breathe, live a little, it doesn’t have to be perfect, enjoy them. Heck, I still have to tell my current self those things.
In not quite 4 1/2 years I went from college student, to wife and full time kindergarten teacher, to working mother of one, to stay at home mom of 2, to stay at home mom of 3 (ages 3 and under). These 3’s little years really is a complete blur for the most part. Especially the bigger 2 (Andrew the most). Talk about Mommy guilt! I’d love to be able to do parts of the past over. I can’t so I’m applying the things I’ve learned to the present and the future. 
Birthday Girl
Julianne, you are growing into such an amazing little girl! You can be the sweetest, calmest, most caring child one minute and a complete fireplug the next! You still make me laugh every day! You know when mommy needs a hug and are always up for a snuggle. You want to be big, but still want to be the baby. I love seeing you explore new things and trying to figure out who you are. Your carefree personality reminds me to breathe and not worry so much about perfection. I’m so blessed to be your mommy! You teach me everyday. While I want to savor every moment of your littleness (and go back for some hugs and extra silliness), I’m excited to watch you grow!
Missing You
I’m having an extra tough time with this birthday. She’s not with me. There has only been one other time in the 3 years since my separation/divorce that I haven’t had the birthday kiddo with me all day long. I made sure to have a special breakfast with her and take her lunch and cupcakes for the class at school. I’ll be making up for her missed birthday dinner when she gets back to me tomorrow evening.
I know, it’s all part of it. I can’t control the day their birthdays fall on. He has every right to be with them as I do. They wouldn’t have those birthdays with out the two of us. In a perfect world, we’d celebrate their birthdays together. That’s actually how agreed to do it when we decided to split. I think that’s the hardest part of it for me…not sticking to the plan. Putting our differences aside for the best of the kids. We had one birthday that way. Then it changed. I have hopes and I pray for peace daily. I have faith that one day, when the storm passes, we will be able to celebrate birthdays (and other events) together again. Old family and new family……One BIG family because that’s what these kids deserve! All the people (mom/stepdad/dad/stepmom/grandparents/siblings) that love them celebrating together!
I love you sweet girl!!!! Can’t wait to see you tomorrow!!! I’m sure you are having a blast!
That was so beautiful and so mean — you made me cry! I’m sure there are many many more who cry when they read it, too.