As moms, I think we’ve all used the phrase, “it’s just not the season for that”, “we’re just in the fun season”, “this season is temporary”, “I’m ready for the next season”. You get the idea. I used this phrase recently and I got thinking about it tonight as I sat holding my sleeping toddler….
My Current Season
Right now, I would say I’m in the season of motherhood. The season where the things I want, really aren’t important. The kids/family come first. I’m missing some things in my life. I’m missing some of those things that make me, me. But, in this “season”, I can’t do those things. I have to take kids to dance, softball, activities, appointments, do laundry, make meals, clean, etc ….. My job is mom and it’s a darn important job! I honestly don’t know how some of you moms work outside the home. I’ve thought about finding a “real job”, but I’d have to hire a full time nanny just to run the after school activities and keep up with laundry. (side note: this is also the season of poor. HA!)
I also have lots of different “seasons” going on with each of the kids. With an almost teenage boy, a preteen diva, a 9 year old that’s trying to find her place, and a crazy toddler, I can honestly tell you I lose my marbles at least once a day. Somedays that means I have 6 heads and others it means the vein in the middle of my forehead is bulging and going to burst any minute!
This “season” of my life is hard! Lots of changes, lots of good, lots of stress, lots of prayers, lots of struggles. Lately, I’ve found myself wishing for the next “season” to hurry up. That “season” where my life feels a little more settled, less stressed, easier. The “season” when mom gets a little more freedom. I’m at the point of Winter when all you can think about is sunshine, flowers, warmer temperatures, poolside splashing, etc…
The Next Season
So, as I sat tonight, holding my sleeping toddler, it hit me. Seasons are circular. We know that winter gets rough, but spring and summer are coming to give us a break before winter comes around again. Life isn’t circular (big ahha moment), it’s linear… I will never get this “season” back (cue momma guilt and big tears streaming down my face onto my blondies head). He’s going to graduate from diapers and never go back (okay, maybe that’s not all that bad). One day he will snuggle up on my chest to sleep for the last time. That’ll be it. It wont come around again. It will only be a memory to recreate in my mind. How did it take me 35 years and 4 littles to figure this out?!?!
While these moments won’t come around again, there is an excitement in what comes next. I’ve seen that with my older ones. Each “season” brings something new…independence, personalities, freedoms, and growth, and with each new “season” comes a new set of challenges.
Circular or Linear
So, I’m thinking, maybe life is both circular and linear. Linear in the sense that today is gone. Each day is a new day. Our life keeps going. There will only be one first step. You won’t have to change those nasty diapers again. You’ll eventually stop carrying him everywhere. It’s also circular. Like the actual seasons, we have to go through some cold/dark/dreary winter days to help us appreciate the warmth/sun/happiness of summer. It’s growth. As we enter a new season, there’s always excitement at first, but as the season continues, we reach a point where we are ready for the next season to arrive. That’s okay! I’ve reached that point in my “season” of needing a change, but instead of dwelling on the struggles, I’m going to look forward to the next “season” while cherishing those linear moments of the current “season”. I’m sure in the next “season”, Dax won’t fall asleep at 6:45PM on the kitchen chair. These are the moments I want to imprint on my heart forever.
I had to read this in shifts because I couldn’t see the words. Shame on you. But that’s ok. I love you. ??❤️ Many more seasons to come.